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| Come on; You really wanted a pic of Bearded IPF Lifters? |
Every time I front up to a power lifting meet I find a
little corner in the room, sit back and look to see who has the biggest arms.
You see; big arms is typically a negative correlation to power lifting ability
since it indicates they spend more time curling the squat rack, than actually
squatting. Dave Tate taught me that. From these observations I start
considering who is actually any good and who is just there to get the bitches’
miran on their aesthetics. Next; I start assessing their Beards; you see; if
you have been keeping up with the latest IPF shenanigans; there is a strong correlation
between your lifting ability and your beard. Now the latest meet I attended
just happen to be the GPC Australia Nationals; so among the 90 odd lifters
walking around, their beards were all pretty good, and some of them could even
lift.
I’ll get this out of the way right up; I went 207.5/125/255,
before you reach for a calculator that’s 587.5 at 82kg body weight and no
matter how you look at it; that is not 600.
So ill break this bad boy down in to components:
Weight cut:
I only decided to make the 82.5 kg class 10 days out from
the meet; the reason for this was pretty simple; 10 days out was my last exam. With
10 days I weighed in at 85/86kg (depending on what scales you believe) and took
a rather simplistic approach of reducing total calories and increasing ‘cardio’
in the form of interval sprints and good old fashion walking.
Flight Times:
GPC had originally planned 3 flights for open men’s. On the
morning I got a phone call explaining for whatever reasons the 3 had now become
2. This meant instead of 3 groups of 10 or so, there were 2 groups of 15. The end
result was twofold: to begin with the time between attempts was insane; I didn’t
time it but it felt every bit of 20 minutes. Secondly; with flights one and two
bouncing off each other interchangeably the overall lifting program took a
massive 5 hours to complete!
Depth:
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| Amy Willams |
My squat depth was probably the weirdest shit of the meet;
not even 18 months ago I had a better chance at Amy Williams than making any
kind of proper depth. So in my training camp I had been working on my hip
mobility and ability to sink squats without crying like a Lamborghini driver
who just got hosed by an 18 year old in a R33 Skyline. The end result was squatting
WAY too deep; my opener of 200 looked closer to an Olympic lift. My second;
207.5 I got buried and Spiros the world’s greatest spotter pulled me out.
Finally; on the third; I arrested my decent high; and stood that bad boy up;
watching the video you can see I still have another 10kg in me, but that’s the
sport and that’s why I keep coming back.
At this stage I need to address the elephant in the room:
That fucking Bench press; I am not going to beat around the bush here either; I
need to learn how to fucking Bench! My opener was 125 and it was easy, so easy
as I got off my chest on to my triceps I let my arch go loose like a navy
prostitute on shore leave and locked it out like an asylum seeker on Christmas island.
Second attempt was 130, only 5kg more; right when the bar got off my chest I
got buried. Thinking that something minor had thrown me off, I took the same
weight again for the third; and stuck it on my chest.
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| Somewhere out there; Cami is warming up with my max |
Sorry about the dummy spit
Finally; Deadlift; this won’t be a surprise but I nailed the
pull, 240, 255 and a miss at 267.5, why the random third? With the train-wrecks
from the Squat and Bench I had to pull a massive number to reach a 600 total.
So what dumb excuses do I have for not totaling 600? See
the dot points above; Squatting too deep for the federation, stupidly long
flights, my pathetic inability to bench and perhaps the stupidest idea to date
was making the 82kg weight class. So stupid I vowed never cut weight ever again.
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| Study with me? |
What’s the future hold? Other than learning how to fucking
Bench I honestly don’t know. There is Pro Raw 5 and the GPC National Push, Pull
later in the year; it’s no secret I am working towards a 300 Deadlift. I have
nearly finished my Uni Degree, to be really honest I just want to hit that on the
head and get on with my life. My next phase of training will almost certainly
involve a large component of hypertrophy specific work meaning my outright
strength will take a bit of a hit. And finally; if I am really honest I am over
writing about Squats and Bro-science that shits like shooting fish in a barrel.
Chances are if you’re reading this blog; your all ready a legit trainer, I
doubt many Chestbrahs and Mr. Festivals believe a word I say. After all; how
dare I disagree with the opinions of Jay Cutler or question the factually and scientifically
brilliant promotional copy-writing of whatever supplement company is trying to
sucker punch us.
So I ask; would anyone reading this horse shit excuse of spam,
masquerading as a porno page loosely disguised as a student’s blog really care
if I pulled my best Jeremy Clarkson impersonation and did a car review? I’m
fucking bored, suggest something. Honest question.
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| Tight as fuck, and the girls not bad either |
