Men – What the fuck happened? Part II

Foreword;  I had some problems with formatting; if you find this font too small simply press [CTRL]+[+] to increase the size.

Walking in to a commercial gym, filled with plasma screens, pin-loaded isolation machines and then proceeding to grunt words like ‘all you bro’ and ‘yeh buddy’ between reps does not make you hardcore. In fact if you think that hour-of-power shit fest of neuromuscular pathway destroying shit, you call training is anything short of a pussy effort, you need to spend some time chilling with Charlotte Dawson.

 Now I know what you’re thinking; Ben very funny, but I can Squat 200 just like you and I am sure you don’t label yourself a pussy. But, guess what; I rock in to a gym maybe 4 or 5 times a week; do some Ben-Eiko-5-3-1 squats between sitting on my ass glaring at bar thinking about how hard this shit is; then when I get tired I go the fuck home and watch more Top Gear. It’s not really that hard.

Light weights & Supplements bro!

Now there are some immediate evident examples of men degrading the gene pool in our world. Exhibit A; Kai Greene in his own words he is not a weight lifter, so put those heavy weights down now before you hurt yourself! I almost feel sorry for him; his masses of fans worship the ground he shits on, just for living the life of mediocrity. 

Now, before I go insulting any more people, here is a list of badass MEN that are protecting the species 

Svend Karlsen started his career as an IPF Power Lifter, after placing 3^rd in the world as a junior, he made the unusual step to IFBB Body Building, where he built a physique that would make even the staunchest heterosexual turn gay. After a stint in his undies he returned back to strength training where he eventually became The Worlds Strongest Man in 2001. Now what makes these achievements all that better was; Karlsen trained in a freezing Norwegian boat shed; not only did he have a truly insane volume of training, and pioneered the statement ‘If you cannot Deadlift, you cannot be Worlds Strongest Man’ His Farmers Walk training was IN THE SNOW and he would jump in to a running icy river for recovery. 

 His training program typically looked like this:

Day 1

Barbell Log press: 2-3 x 6 – 12 (that’s 2 to 3 sets of 6 to 12 reps)
Tire Flip:  3 x 6 – 8 flips
Stones: 3 x 5
Close Grip Bench Press:  1 x 4 – 6; 1 x 10-14
Lying French Press:  2 x 8-12
Push downs:  2 x 8 – 12
Crunches:  3 x 12

Day 2

Front Squat:  2 x 4-6
Karlsen Squats:  3 x 8-12
Leg Extension:  3 x 12 – 20
Calf Raise:  3 x 20
Concept 2 Rower: 3 x 500 meters

Day 3

Fast Walking or Easy Swimming for 1 Hour

Day 4

Apollons Axle:  1 x 1 – 3; 1 x 6 – 10
Log Lift: 1 x 4 – 8; 1 x 8 – 12
Karlsen Crusifix Flies: 2 x 8
Incline Log Press: 1 x 3 – 6, 1 x 12
Crossovers: 3 x 8 – 12

Day 5

Deadlift: 2 x 3 – 6
Seated Rows: 3 x 8 – 12
Pull Downs: 3 x 8 – 12
Shrugs: 3 x 12
Bent over side laterals: 3 x 8 – 12

Day 6

Fast walking or light swimming – 1 hour

Day 7

Super Yoke: 3 x 25 meters
Farmers Walk (in the Snow!!): 2 sets of 2 x 35meters
Conan’s Wheel: 2 x 3 laps
Truck Pull: 3 x 10 meters
Loading: 3 x 5 kegs for 5 -10 meters

The next badass MEN on the agenda are James ‘Cas’ Castrission, Justin ‘Jonesy’ Jones.

These two badass mother fuckers started their careers by kayaking from Australia to New Zealand, but the real trip was when they skied over 90 days and 3000 kilometers from the coast of Antarctica to the South Pole and back. Pulling 160 kilo sleds they were faced with minus 30 degree temperatures, 30 knot winds, blizzards and to top it off; on the return trip they ran out of food! 

  

Now I want to make something clear; for all you that think it’s ‘70% diet, 30% training’ these guys prove you cannot out diet a rubbish training program. Cas and Jonesy’s nutrition for the trip consisted of oatmeal with olive oil in the morning, while skiing they would put tiny cubes of chocolate and peperoni in their mouth until it defrosted by body heat and in the evening they had dehydrated powdered meals with more olive oil for extra calories. However, on the return trip back from the pole, they essentially ran out of food. While expending around 10 000 calories per day they were only consuming 3000 calories for every 40 kilometers skied. During this time, they lost over 20 kilos each. However, once back in the safety of Australia a DEXA scan showed they had ONLY lost body fat and managed to maintain muscle mass.

Training for this expedition they did endless sled drags up hills in the Sydney side streets, they then moved on to training near Canada in minus 30 degrees for months, to say their training volume was endless is an understatement. Their coach Matty McNair is famously quoted as saying: 

 The rules of polar travel are, you have to eat before you’re hungry, drink before you’re dehydrated, you need to put your parka on before you’re cold and take it off before you overheat and you need to stop before you’ve burnt up 80 per cent of your energy. And just remember, if you sweat you die

I seriously cannot think of two harder nuts in the world right now!  

Naim Suleimanov is considered by most Weight Lifters to be the greatest lifter of all time; Born in Bulgaria of Turkish descent, he was nicknamed "The Pocket Hercules" due to his small stature of 1.47 m. He is the first and only weightlifter too snatch 2.5 times his body weight and also is the second of only seven lifters to clean and jerk three times his body weight. Suleimanov set his first world record at the age 16 but missed his first chance at Olympic success in 1984 when Bulgaria joined the Soviet boycott of the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics.

Suleimanov trained using ‘The Bulgarian method’ of weightlifting training. The system was pioneered by Ivan Abadjiev in the 60’s during the rise of communism. Essentially; to control the citizens from freedom of rights and speech the Bulgarian’s would train for 6-8 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you were still alive (literally) after 3-4 years of training you were rewarded with the rights of travel, specifically the rights of Olympic representation. The Bulgarians only believed in five movements; Snatch; Clean and Jerk, Front Squat, Power Clean and Power Snatch. The Bulgarian’s advocates training for no less than 50 percent of one’s woken hours. They would train in 30-45 minute blocks with 30 minutes recover between movements. Too this day; the Bulgarian’s are known for being the most badass lifters in the world with speculation that several lifters died in the process of trying to achieve the freedom making it to an Olympics!

The Bulgarian method:

1. Train heavy every workout, 3 times per week.

2. Add one training day at a time until you are training 6 days per week.

3. Add 2 morning sessions a week of just front squats.

4. Increase this one day at a time until you are comfortable training 2 sessions per day 5 days per week and one session on Saturday.

5. Once you reach this stage add a light warm-up day on Sunday.

I never really announced my first ‘Men what the fuck happened’ I wrote it more as a way to get some things off my chest, more about personal therapy than anything constructive, but after seeing it go viral and seeing many skinny, weak white guys try and defend their lives of mediocrity, I have felt the need to complete part II. Now take on what you read and get back in the gym!