Pre-Pumping is the new Pre-Drinking

For a fat white guy I am fucking spectacular

I would like to nominate Ben for the Troll of the Year award. He fronted up to Cream Fields with Dumbbells and charged guys to use them - Ryley Smith 

It’s no secret I became involved in sport and exercise science industry after accepting failure in the music industry. Now; we can sit here and bat on about the politics of it all but the simple reason I never made it was I sucked. You might be struggling to join the dots between sport and exercise and the music industry. But this I will elaborate on; some time ago in the abyss that was ‘after internet, before Facebook’ there were these things called music festivals. You would show up, stand there for a few hours watch some bands and DJ’s do their thing, then you head home wallet a few hundred lighter for the experience. All was flowers and sunsets. Now; we have an entire clichés group of people; they call themselves “The Aesthetics Crew”. They have their own culture, language and morals (or lack thereof). In the ultimate plan to subliminally insult these Mr. Festival Contenders I decided to front up to Creamfields with a few dumbbells and offer a “Pre-Party-Pump-Up Station”. Since I am partial and jaded to the situation I will let my good friend Haydn Smith fill you all in:

Over recent years, the summer festivals seem to have become less about music, and more about body image. People begin "contest prep" style regimes of diet and training once the date is announced, with some going as far as planning their steroid cycles around festival dates. While I respect the effort that goes into contest prep for bodybuilders, remember that music festivals are not bodybuilding contests, and being a gym rat doesn’t make you a bodybuilder.
This trend really gained popularity after someone created a Facebook page called “Shredded for Stereosonic”, exacerbated by the promoters of the festival announcing a shirts-on policy. Curl-brahs raged, “I started a Tren cycle and you tell me I won’t be able to show off my abs and gyno to drunk 16-year-olds?!”

After enough roid-rage, the promoters did away with the policy, and the curl-brahs turned what was once a music festival into the Mr Festival pseudo-bodybuilding contest. I hear last year’s winner had a great imaginary lat spread.

Moving forward- It’s the day of a festival, and my newsfeed is slowly filling up with posts from curl-brahs, about “smashing chest and biceps, then heading to the party”. Ben had long had the idea; we can make money off this. Why go to the gym to do your “pre party pump” when you can do it right before you go in? Rock up outside a festival with some dumbbells and a curl bar, and charge people to use it. Sure enough, Ben pulled it off, and while he didn’t make much money, the concept was there and the lulz were priceless. Keep an eye out for an even better ‘Pre Party Pump Up Station’ at Steroidsonic this summer, so you can get all vascular before your front single fist pump to Tiesto.

Jesus would be Proud

Quote Some random on Going to the gym cause u wanna be shredded for stereosonic; 

Drinking & Curling - Can only end well

The repetitive lifting of shit in a gym is not courageous and a music festival is not about your apparent hard work at body sculpting or stripped fat percentage. A question that many over worked people in a gym fail to ask themselves is why they are doing this. A real athlete who can out run / jump / swim / throw / box and so on, usually has a much higher percent of body fat and cardio that leaves these guys in the dust. That leads a person with average IQ to realize it is nothing more than apparent vanity and fashion that drives gym junkies which is more than annoying when it comes to a festival about art. So when you ask why is someone all up in your face about it, do us a favour and keep your shirt on next festival and your arms relaxed and we won’t have ground to take the piss... be proud of your achievements with some dignity and modesty (now that would be a step toward courageous) much love ;) -